About a month ago I went to a doctor’s appointment and found out I had an 8x6cm solid ovarian mass. The doctor informed me that given my age, and other factors it was a strong possibility that this could be cancer. I can now say with confidence I understand the season of waiting for the other shoe to drop, the wondering if I would hear that it was in fact cancer. There was so much mental processing that happened during this time of waiting.
During this month I reached up to God first and then out. I asked for prayer from just a few people at first and I gradually widened the circle. The scariest part of the waiting was getting a CT scan because it would reveal what this growth was and determine my next steps. I began to see the importance of surrounding myself with a community of believers that could pray for me and fill in the gaps where I forgot to pray. I felt the prayers.
This network of support allowed me to dance in the rain. It allowed me to continue to write and do work for God. I was reminded that the less I focused on me the more at peace I felt. In those moments of struggle when “what ifs” and fears consumed me, I continued to reach up first and then out. I learned the difference between feeling negative emotions and living in them. Through it all I continued to dance, an umbrella of believers at hand, even as the rain poured down.
Yesterday at my follow-up appointment I learned that it is not cancer. My first thought, Praise God! Surgery still lies in my near future because the tennis ball size mass has to go, but it is not life threatening and will happen in the not too distant future. The recovery will be short (more reasons to praise God). Believe it or not there was actually a list of good things that will come from this procedure, all reasons to keep dancing even though the rain has stopped.
Today I was reminded that as we fix our eyes on the Lord waiting for the storm to pass, we often react in underwhelmed ways when He comes through big time. Not today and not with this, I am thankful for the journey, depth, love and reliance I felt during the storm. The tempo has changed and the storm has subsided, but I will keep on dancing because this is the best part.
“Then I will praise God’s name with singing, and I will honor him with thanksgiving.”